Claud Mann
Claud's 10 Kitchen Commandments illustration

And now, although no one asked, I would like to leave you with:

Claud's Kitchen Commandments

  1. 1

    Keep your knives sharp. As a matter of fact, if all you have are cheap, dull knives, don't read any further until you've thrown them out and bought just one good one.

  2. 2

    Get the kids into the kitchen to cook with you and really give them jobs to do. Remember—before TV, families used to cook together.

  3. 3

    Never clean up if you can help it . . . hey, you did the cooking.

  4. 4

    Make it a point to physically remove anyone from the kitchen who makes scornful remarks or backhanded inquiries about the fat, sugar, cholesterol or caloric content of any meal that you are preparing.

  5. 5

    Always give yourself an extra hour. (When you're relaxed, you can have more fun.)

  6. 6

    Constantly taste, taste, taste!

  7. 7

    Get your sauté pans nice and hot and don't worry about a little smoke.

  8. 8

    Discard bottled herbs and spices if purchased during a previous presidential administration. Smell them—they should have a discernable aroma. If not, might I suggest substituting pencil shavings, which are significantly cheaper and taste just about the same.

  1. 9

    Whenever a guest offers to bring "a bottle of something," ask for a gallon of extra-virgin olive oil.

  2. 10

    Always try to cook enough to offer a meal to a neighbor that lives alone. If you don't know them, it's a fine way to get started. (Plus, if more of us bothered to feed each other, the world would be a nicer place.)